It ain't all unicorns and rainbows.

There was a hard lesson to learn this past week.  One I certainly already knew in many ways, especially with the counseling and crisis management training I've had both in the job and in the classroom, but starting my own charity and putting my own ideals to work on a completely new project was risky.  I've always been one to take risks, and I've also always been one for much self reflection too.  This week's blog came late specifically because I've been stewing and thinking and trying to figure it all out.

The bottom line is that Chris is okay.  He's actually doing quite well - he managed to get a full time job with his step-brother after being out only one week.  Jennifer and I were pretty amazed at that luck, but really it spoke to the hard work ethic and raw talent Chris has.  He's very smart too, and takes a lot of pride in doing for himself and being a man of his own.  But Chris isn't exactly a great communicator, especially after being locked up for so long, and when he started to feel a bit smothered and too much a "charity" case, he resisted.  We just didn't realize that's why he didn't want to talk to us all that much.  He very much appreciated all the help we threw at him, but once he started working and earning money all on his own, he was happy to be able to take pride in his own ability to make his way.  In other words, we needed to back off a little but we didn't know it.  We smothered him with our kindness and generosity!  And then we got our feelings hurt when he fell (almost) silent. 

Rest assured that all is well now, but growing pains do happen.  There was a moment when we both considered letting the coalition go.  I guess when feelings get hurt we question things, but the point is that with each step we take in this new adventure we learn a little bit more about Chris, about what it must be like being a new man on the outside, and about ourselves.  It's not all unicorns and rainbows, but I'm proud to say it's all good (enough) for me.

Freedom looks like blueberry pancakes, and piping hot showers.

Wow. The last 9 days have been a crazy, exciting, sleep-deprived whirlwind and I apologize for not posting sooner, but just let me say again…wow!

Chris is out.  He’s a free man for the first time in more than three years.  When he pulled up in my driveway last Friday he looked pale, tired, and just plain worn out, but happy, happy, happy!  He was a bundle of nerves from head to toe, which oddly enough, I did not expect.  Can you imagine having most of your life controlled for three years and then all of a sudden being turned loose right out into the street.  Luckily he had a special person waiting there in the parking lot and from the way he tells the story he threw his arms in the air as if he’d just scored a winning goal.  He did abstain from kissing the ground though!  He was so nervy that he hadn’t even eaten since the day before, nor slept a wink at all.  They kept him in a holding cell the day prior to his release and he’d simply paced the floors for hours just waiting to be free.  He was strikingly thin and we wanted to take him for a nice big steak, but when we asked him where he wanted to eat his only request was IHOP.  He hadn’t had bacon or sausage in three years and he wanted blueberry pancakes too!  It was so nice just watching him eat.

Jennifer and I have learned a lot about the ins and outs of what someone needs upon getting out of prison, especially if there’s no family ready and willing to take the recently released prisoner in.  They are released with a debit card that has nearly $40 on it and nothing more.  Chris needed everything that we take for granted each and every day.  He needed everything from a bar of soap to razors to a decent pair of shoes that fit his feet properly.  We took him shopping at Target that night and bought him some clothes, and we gave him the $150 we’d collected in the weeks before through our bake sales, as well as the donated iPhone 3GS that I’d had turned on for him the day before his release.  To say he was grateful would be an understatement.  In addition to his shopping trip, we gave him all the other things that had been donated to our cause.  He was completely overwhelmed at the kindness that had been shown him from total strangers.  This is the night that the word “family” began to take on a different meaning for Chris.

With each day that has followed the first, Chris has gotten slightly more settled in to his freedom, and antsy pacing has morphed into rearranging, cleaning, planning, and job searching.  We met with his parole officer, we went to the DMV, and we visited his small son.  He had a string of perfectly hot showers that he was able to take all by himself.  He joked, “I dropped the soap three times just because I could!”  Step by step we are trying to rebuild his life from almost scratch, and little by little the details of his life in prison are being shared in bits and pieces when he’s comfortable.  Each day he tackles something new, whether it’s contacting a relative he misses, or digging out his old moldy clothes from the last residence he had before being locked up.  In the midst of everything he’s trying to do to get acclimated to his new life on the outside, he still keeps in touch with the few friends he had on the inside.  One day he and Jennifer made a special trip to give $5 to the wife of one of those friends who was simply trying to gather enough money to buy a $15 phone card for him to be able to call home.  Every single thing we take for granted here in the comfort of the free world comes at a high price on the inside, if it’s not impossible to get at all.

In a few hours, Chris will get up and go to work for a day.  It’s not much, but it will be the first money he’s earned in a long time, and earning money goes very far when one needs to just feel like a man again.  We are happy for him, and thrilled to have been part of this time in his life.  The further we get in his particular journey, the more we know we’re doing the right thing in starting this non-profit organization.  We’ll be getting back to fundraising pretty soon.  If you have ideas, please share them!  Pictures coming soon!

One more day for "Chris!"

I spoke with "Chris" again today.  He's definitely getting excited about his release on Friday morning.  He has a friend who'll be picking him up and bringing him here to my house briefly so that I may give him some of the lovely things that have been donated!  Thanks to our charity and awesome friends who've stepped up and donated things they no longer want or need, "Chris" will now have several pairs of jeans, several shirts, a lightweight jacket, a brand new package of socks, and several other items like a pillow, blanket, towels, a coffee maker and fresh new toiletries.  I was super excited to tell him all of this and he was thrilled to hear it.  He is sincerely grateful and kind of bowled over by all of this.  Thanks to this charity he also now has a working phone!  How could he expect to do any of the things he must do, including checking in with his parole officer and getting a job fast, without a reliable cell phone?  Thanks to a very generous donor, I was able to turn on a iPhone 3GS for him today.  So, even though he has no computer or internet access where he'll be staying, he can at least have data connectivity on his phone along with email and text so that he can get in touch with potential employers, and reconnect with family and friends he's missed out on for the past few years.  Thanks to everyone who's bought treats at our bake sales, because that money will be the cash I give him on Friday to ensure he has money to eat over the next week or two.  Donations are still very much needed, including cash (every dollar helps).  In addition, if any of you know of someone who would be a good candidate for our brand new program, hit me up privately and we can discuss specifics.  At this time, we're interested in helping Georgia inmates who are NON-VIOLENT offenders.  Our focus will be on "Chris" for the next 2-3 months but I'd like to have another inmate in the cue for when "Chris" no longer needs our direct help and attention.

I have to say, it feels very good to do something so worthwhile in our community.  Consider what you have in your home that you no longer want, need, or use and make a donation to us.   Inmates getting out on parole are much like someone whose house has just burned down, only worse.  They have no job to go to in the morning, and many of them have lost touch with even one person who could help them.

Thanks for reading!